b18ch1ck's Xanga

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 01:50:20 GMT

your mom and such

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 23:16:07 GMT

my articles in the school newspaper

http://www.montgomerycollege.edu/advocate/archive/Advocate%20Vol%2009%20Issue%2009.pdf

http://www.montgomerycollege.edu/advocate/archive/Advocate%20Vol%2009%20Issue%2009.pdf

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 19:28:14 GMT

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

My life is SPECTACULAR right now, except for the fact that the Integra got rearended and is still in the shop and has been for 2 weeks now. That means I've been driving an '05 Civic rental for the past 2 weeks. I put 1200 miles on a rental car, for the love of God.

I've got $500 saved up for a down payment for the blue 2003 Acura 3.2 CL Type-S 6-speed at the dealership who approved me for a loan without help from my mom because of my good credit. I didn't even know I had credit, period.

I got a wonderful job after Thanksgiving, making $15/hour for little to no work. My Christmas bonus was getting paid for a 5-day week instead of a 4-day week because I didn't have to work on Friday, and an extra $75 on top of that. I get Monday off and I'll get paid for it too, and that makes it a $165 Christmas bonus for me.

I realized that Matt never stopped being my best friend. We chill all the fucking time now and everything's gravy. I don't even need to be going out with him to be super-happy about life. As long as I still have my best friend, I'm so straight with my life.

Happy Holidays & Happy Honda-Days

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Sun, 23 Oct 2005 15:16:34 GMT

I've never been this confused in my life

Friday, October 07, 2005

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 18:34:19 GMT

I miss the days when my Oldsmobile was my only car.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 18:55:05 GMT

My humble opinion about street racing...

Which I got a comment on. Whateverrrrrrr.

*~*~*~*~*

i floor it (thinking it was some dumb ricer trying to be all fast and "cool" haha)

and you called me an idiot for smoking pot?!

smoking pot doesn't endanger lives. when you drive after smoking, you're WAY more cautious of the speed limit. smoking basically turns you into the most law-abiding driver in the world because you're afraid as hell of the police and because you want to take in the sights and sounds. well, it does for the people i associate with and that includes myself... GS-R included. i don't speed when i'm high.

dumb ricers trying to be fast and cool...
that's fine, except, well, it really isn't.

street racing IS a crime. it endangers lives.

smoking pot is illegal, but street racing is illegal as well.

street racing endangers innocent lives. weed doesn't.

i understand that street racing is a high all of its own, but... well, smoking gets me high without endangering my life. and i can appreciate my car for its awesomeness and be fully aware of its power without even stepping into the driver's seat.

power corrupts, and 170 horsepower is very likely to corrupt, but it's perfectly okay to sit there in another state of mind and stare at pictures of your car and get on team-integra and read about all the different things you can do to your car.

my car gets me high. your car gets you high.

the difference...? i use my imagination. you endanger lives. i agree that i may be endangering my own life, as i am taking in carcinogens, but life is full of choices and what i do will never ever result in me apologizing to a family for my recklessness causing a wreck because i was trying to have a good time.

because when you're a pothead, the biggest accident you can get into involves knocking over the bong...

what's Honda's slogan? It's "the Power of Dreams", and not the power of endangering lives, therefore smoking pot is closer to Honda's vision because smoking pot enables you to sit there and visualize everything very vividly in your head, while street racing gives you the opportunity to injure and kill people. i've been involved in 4 accidents this year and i wasn't at fault in any of them, and i realize more than anyone else that an accident is an accident, but a street racing accident isn't really an accident because the ingredients for a car crash are all there. stupidity, speed, arrogance, inexperience...

street racing or the power of dreams? it's your call.

and i promise you that when i start racing, it will be at the track and i will definitely have gone to racing school because i don't need to be schooled on 28 or 270, i need to be schooled on a racetrack, because that's what real racing is.

real racing is racing against the clock at a sanctioned event with all the proper safety precautions (including ambulances on hand), not racing against another driver.

pick your poison.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 20:21:16 GMT

I'm alive. Heartbroken and lonely, but alive.

Some days are easier than others.

I've made some really sweet new friends.

I can't wait to start school again.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 02:35:42 GMT

I had a good day :)

My bedroom rocks hardcore...

Oh... and I bought a pack of cigarettes.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 19:22:03 GMT

B18Ch1ck: i don't care if he's what other people think of as just a doughboy and a burnout, cause to me, he's a great person and i see the inner beauty. i see past the busted black integra, i see past the criminal charges cause i could just as easily have gotten arrested for shit i've done too, i see past the accident and all the tickets(because i drive an integra all crazy like that too), i see past the mean things he's said to me because, hell, i've said mean things too... and i never once cared that his dad is building a 7000 square foot mansion on 5 acres of land. i did not choose to be with him because his family had money, and i did not choose against being with him just because he's overweight. and insulting him hurts me too. i mean, yeah it's hypocritical but i can say stuff about him cause he's really affected my life and things he's said/done have hurt me deeply, but for anyone to call him a doughboy is quite hurtful to one of the things that is essential to my being: love.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 18:40:36 GMT

I can't even deny being in love with that boy. The past 10 days have taught me just how much I hate this. I hate being alone. I hate feeling so lonely in this cold, ugly world. I wish I had someone to love, who would love me back. I should just drive fast and enjoy the summertime through the sunroof and windows of my beautiful Integra GS-R that I love with every non-romantic cell in my body. I should enjoy being young and "beautiful" (or so you guys say), but all I need is someone to love who will love me back.

I miss taking an insecure sweetheart and making him feel like he's the most amazing person in the world, and not just physically. I miss having someone to shower with affection and attention, and of course, love. He taught me that physical intimacy is a truly wonderful thing, and I taught him that love did actually exist. I gave him my virginity, but I can never say that I "lost" it. We shared it, and it was awesome.

I remember the night that he told me that he thought he was falling in love with me. I had totally lied my ass off to my mom about where I was going, and my mother wasn't too happy about that. It was wintertime, the roads were icy and dangerous and an ordinarily fun 30 minute drive became a treacherous 45 minutes. If I had died on the drive back, I would have died the happiest girl in the world because I had someone who loved me, but I would have died the saddest girl in the world because I would have left a truly beautiful soul behind. I got in so much trouble when I finally went home, but I didn't care because the person, a guy who I knew as my adorable best friend who didn't believe in love, confessed to being in love with me.

And I guess that, in my stupidity and wrecked emotional state left over from senior year, I took that love for granted. But I never once even thought about cheating on him, not even while he was gone in St. Mary's County. I never once even imagined kissing another guy, because my lips had been mesmerized and captivated by the holy grail of all kissable lips. And no, I never thought that I would get to kiss a set of lips nicer than my own in my whole entire life. But I started to treat the love as less than it was, and the bad times started to outweigh the good in our hearts.

I'm probably going to search for the rest of my life for something that I will never find again. There will never be another cute, cuddly, chunky shaggy-haired Integra boy. And even if there is another cute cuddly shaggy Integra boy, he will never appreciate me for being a sweet girl with a heart of gold. I will just be a GS-R with a face and a little body. And nobody will ever see me as beautiful like he saw me.

I doubt anyone will ever appreciate a dark-haired girl with bright eyes that pop open at the sight of an Integra, whether it's a busted DA with non-matching headlights and the most fucked up hood in the world, or if it's just a clean DB8 because I can love and appreciate a GS-R, even if it isn't a hatchback. It's about being cute in its own unique way, even if it's bigger than your conventional idea of what's hot for Integras. Wait, that's exactly how I feel about guys... Y'all don't see the extra size as an advantage, you just see it as extra weight... but I see it as more to love.

Nobody will ever appreciate a short little Indian chick with a lead foot and a heart of gold. I guess I have a nice butt and legs, but I don't want anyone to agree with me. I don't want you to think that I have a nice body, because you won't think that I have a heart of gold and I won't let you into my heart, because I block the world out and let a few people into my hearts.

---

I'm sorry to anyone who wishes that I wouldn't love a "burnout" or "doughboy" like him, or who wishes that a kickass guy like him wouldn't be loved by a bitch like me. And I'm sorry that there are friends of mine who look at Matthew as an asshole and a heartbreaker, because that's exactly the essence of what he isn't.

I'm sorry that there are friends of mine who consider him as a burnout that I can do a thousand times better than, because I'm a bit of a burnout myself. I'm sorry that there are friends of mine who look at him as a doughboy because, although he is chunky, he's a sweetheart and nobody should ever tell me who to love based on looks. Besides, I feel sorry for those of you who like your guys all skinny or all muscle. He's a sweet guy with integrity (that was not a lame Integra joke, but it was a compliment to his sense of morals) and a heart of gold, and he just got sick of being hurt by a girl who wasn't at all what he fell in love with. But love is love, and truth is truth, and my love for him is a reality, not just an illusion. It never was. And I never ever cheated on him. Ever. Because that isn't what you do when you love someone, even if you can get away with it because they spend so much time away. You don't lie to them about where you are, you tell them exactly where you are and let them know that you're missing them every second of the day. You don't look for a part-time boyfriend, because that's grimy.

And now, I may be left with nothing because I didn't seek out something then, but at least I took the high road and held my morals and integrity close to my heart.